Should Children Decide Parental Contact? The Growing Concern in Family Courts

Family courts in England and Wales increasingly allow children’s wishes and feelings to influence, or even determine, decisions about their relationships with parents. While the idea of empowering children might seem fair and progressive, there is a growing concern that this practice can place an undue burden on children and fail to serve their long-term best interests.

Children as Decision-Makers: A Double-Edged Sword

Elevating the Child’s Voice

The Voice of the Child campaign has successfully advocated for children to have a say in family court proceedings. In principle, considering the child’s wishes and feelings is essential to understanding their perspective and ensuring decisions are made in their best interests.

However, there’s a troubling trend of elevating these “snapshot” views—collected during interviews with CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officers or Family Court Advisers—to a determinative level. In some cases, these views are used to justify minimal or no contact with a parent, regardless of the underlying circumstances.

The Problem with Snapshot Views

Influence of Hostility in the Home

In acrimonious separations, children are often exposed to subtle (or overt) hostility from one parent toward the other. Even if the hostile parent outwardly claims to support contact, the child may internalize the parent’s true feelings and act accordingly to avoid conflict or gain approval.

For example:

• Indirect Pressure: A parent might say, “It’s up to you whether you see your dad/mum,” while making their true feelings clear through body language or tone.
• Active Discouragement: Some parents make disparaging comments about the other parent, leading the child to adopt similar views or feel guilty for wanting contact.

In such cases, the child’s expressed wishes may not reflect their genuine feelings but rather their need to align with the dominant parent’s expectations.

Burdening Children with Adult Decisions

Expecting children to determine the extent of their relationship with a parent places an enormous emotional burden on them. Children lack the emotional maturity and life experience to make such weighty decisions.

• Short-Term vs. Long-Term Needs: Children often make decisions based on immediate emotions or fear of conflict. They may not grasp the long-term consequences of severing or limiting a parental relationship.
• Impact on Emotional Well-Being: Later in life, children may regret decisions made under pressure, leading to feelings of guilt, resentment, or loss.

Judicial and CAFCASS Trends

Welfare Principle vs. Practicality

The Children Act 1989 emphasizes that a child’s welfare is the court’s paramount consideration. While children’s views are a factor in assessing welfare, they should not override other critical considerations, such as:

• The need for a meaningful relationship with both parents.
• The potential influence of parental alienation or hostility.
• The long-term benefits of maintaining a parental bond, even if initially resisted by the child.

Shift in Court Practice

Critics argue that some judges and CAFCASS officers take a pragmatic approach, using children’s stated preferences to avoid conflict or expedite cases. This may result in orders that prioritize convenience over the child’s actual needs.

The Role of Courts and Professionals

Courts Must Lead, Not Delegate

Judges must take responsibility for making decisions that serve the child’s best interests, even when they contradict the child’s expressed wishes. This includes ordering contact where appropriate, despite initial resistance, and addressing the underlying dynamics influencing the child’s views.

CAFCASS Should Dig Deeper

Family Court Advisers play a vital role in investigating and presenting the child’s circumstances to the court. They should:

• Assess whether a child’s views are unduly influenced by one parent.
• Explore the long-term impact of limiting or severing parental contact.
• Provide balanced recommendations that prioritize the child’s welfare over convenience.

The Case for Balanced Decision-Making

Consider Wishes, Not Depend on Them

Children’s wishes and feelings should inform, not dictate, court decisions. They are an important piece of the puzzle, but they must be weighed alongside other factors, including:

• The child’s developmental needs.
• The benefits of maintaining relationships with both parents.
• The context in which the child’s views were formed.

Education and Support for Parents

Encouraging cooperative parenting and providing resources to reduce hostility can help create an environment where children feel safe expressing their true feelings.

Conclusion

While giving children a voice in family proceedings is important, allowing their views to become the determining factor can be harmful. Courts and professionals must ensure that decisions reflect children’s long-term needs, not just their immediate preferences. By striking this balance, the family justice system can better protect children from the emotional fallout of conflict and provide them with the stability they need to thrive.

For more information on children’s welfare in family law cases, visit:

• CAFCASS: Your child and the court
• NSPCC: The impact of parental separation on children
• Children Act 1989 Legislation